3 powerful questions you can ask yourself when you feel like quitting

3 powerful questions you can ask yourself when you feel like quitting

Day 5 3 simple questionsWhether it’s your New Year resolution or a life changing goal, chances are sooner or later you reach the point when you feel like quitting. The inspiration is gone, the discipline with it. You start coming to terms with quitting and decide to give up. Your mind tries to justify the situation and silently whispers “Don’t worry. One day you will try again!” Sounds familiar?

Keeping your New Year resolution is a hot topic in media. In fact, FAILING to keep them is! So if you feel like quitting, giving up on achieving your goal or resolution right now, hang in there and stay with us. I am going to share with you 3 simple but powerful questions that stopped me from quitting.

Before I share the 3 magical questions that saved me from quitting on many occasions, I want to acknowledge you for your honesty and authenticity. Admitting that you are actually considering quitting achieving your goal is an important step. Acknowledgment helps you to deal with the situation. So what are the 3 powerful questions I am talking about?

Question #1:

What makes me want to give up?

There are many reasons why one wants to give up. The most common ones are:

  • I’m too busy, I don’t have time
  • It’s pointless, I can’t see the results
  • I can’t do it, I can’t be bothered any more

The reality is: if it was easy, you would have done it ages ago. The key to moving forward is to understand what exactly is it that forces you to give up. What is that one thing, that underlying reason that makes it seem unachievable? Identify the real reason that stops you.

For instance, I was preparing a press release to advertise about our upcoming E.D.E.N. conference in the local press. I was asked to write the press release and also wanted to write a feature for a women’s magazine. I was about to quit completely. The “obvious” reason that I was telling my friends was “I don’t want to write about my story and me. This community group is about empowering others and inspiring women, not about me.” What was really going on (the “real” reason) was that I was scared of being judged by the public in the community where I live. As soon as I realised what the real reason was, I recognised how silly and pathetic this was and I started to put in place a support structure to deal with this sabotaging reason.

Question #2:

How important is this for me? What difference does achieving my goal make to me and others?

I learnt these questions from a friend, who runs an amazing project Southend in Transition and later on at several personal development courses. These questions will help you get a good perspective if you can answer them honestly.

Every time I was about to quit following my dream, I asked myself “On a scale from 1 to 10, how important is achieving my dream to me? If an answer was less than 8, I realised that it is not that important. It’s simple. If it is not important, why would I bother in first place?

The second question indicates the impact on others. If you actually stick with following your goal and get re-inspired, what is the impact on others? What difference does it make to them? Using my example, fear of being judged that stopped me from publishing in local media, I realised that by overcoming my fear and actually working on publishing the press release, I will make a difference to other women who, just like me, have visions and want to live a fulfilling life. This really gave me a new perspective and re-inspired me to keep going.

Question #3:

What is the real cost of quitting?

The real cost of quitting is not necessarily money that you lose or could lose. By the real costs of quitting I mean:

  • the lost confidence,
  • the loss of self-appreciation
  • the lost belief that you can actually do something worthwhile and do it well,
  • the loss of affinity and connection with others
  • carrying a regret
  • feeling like a victim of circumstances
  • the list goes on.

Again, using my example of publishing a press release, I realised that my real cost of quitting would be losing my confidence. I have already done a couple of press releases before. My fear was totally unjustified, so not taking the opportunity and taking another shot to achieve my goal.

Dear reader, now is your time to discover what is that one thing that makes you feel like quitting. You have already started taking a first few steps to achieve your goal, to follow your dreams. Keep going. How did you answer these questions? Did you find them useful? Always happy to read about your discoveries. Feel free to leave a comment below.


3 reasons why inspired women attract successful people

A beautiful woman attracts your eyes; an inspired woman engages your mind while pleasing your eyes.

Over the last two years I have seen many inspired women with amazing ideas and exciting goals. The more questions about their vision I asked them, the more energised they got. Their sharing is always filled with excitement, energy and dedication. It is such a joy to listen to someone who is truly inspired by their vision. You see the spark in their eyes, the conversation flows.

As soon as a well-respected, known or successful person joins the conversation, they start shutting down. Their confidence drops. Their excitement and smile disappear. One of the typical openings in their speech is “I’m not sure the idea is really so good but I was thinking to … !” or they say nothing. When I then question this self-sabotaging behaviour later, I often receive the following statement “You really think they may be interested to find out about my idea or work with someone like me?” I can do nothing but be honest and say “I don’t know but unless you try … .”

Inspired to have conversation It’s easy to encourage others with a simple statement “You don’t try, you don’t know.” But let’s be honest, the unstoppable and persuasive inner voice makes it pretty challenging for them to pursue creating a new connection with someone who appears to be out of their league. I don’t want to speculate on why these women react this way. I’d rather write about why sharing your exciting vision attracts successful people.

I noticed on many occasions that successful people master the art of choice, especially when it comes to human interactions. They understand that there are people who inspire or hinder their success. They learnt that the key to achieving their goals and experiencing victory depends on the qualities of people they socialise, interact and work with. Naturally, they are drawn to people who add value to their life through conversations, interactions, shared interest and activities.

This may seem selfish and self-centred, but my intention is to make you realise that if you are an inspired woman ready to realize your vision, even if your little voice tells you otherwise, your door to attracting successful people is open. So here are three simple reasons why:

  1. Inspired woman radiates joy, energy and enthusiasm. This is infectious. Successful people understand that the right balance between their focus, performance and inspiration delivers fruitful results. Sharing about your ideas with excitement helps them to recharge their batteries and keep their inspiration alive.
  2. Inspired woman finds it exciting and motivating to learn from others. She is excited to discover how to make things happen. The sooner the better. This attracts successful people who love sharing their knowledge and experiences with others. They understand that achieving success is a journey and not a destination. At some point, they also were at the beginning of their journey, inspired by an idea just like you. They experienced their ups and downs and often feel privileged to share about their journey passing on the valuable lessons they learned.
  3. Inspired woman is easily motivated. Successful people also know that inspiration that comes from your own vision keeps you motivated. It is a lot more challenging to motivate someone if they don’t have their own aspirations. It is a lot harder to lead a meaningful conversation with someone without a vision or passion to talk about.

So there is no stopping you. You can never predict the results a conversation with someone you find successful may bring. Be open-minded and pay attention. Be present and engaged in the conversation, but don’t fake your interest. Be authentic and don’t exaggerate. If you get stuck, here are 3 simple tips to get your conversation going:

  1. Ask for feedback on your idea or vision, especially what is the most appealing thing. Why may they want to work with you or engage in your vision?
  2. Be prepared to hear a negative feedback. How can you use the feedback?What is missing to make your vision successful? How can you turn problems into solutions?
  3. The whole conversation is not only about you and your vision. Ask about their passion and experience. Find out what their vision is and what they need. Where can you see a shared interest? Is there an obvious connection between your visions and goals?

Dear inspired woman, be brave to put ideas forward. One thing is sure. You never know what can happen, unless you try. Who is the first successful person you are going to share your vision with?

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From bitching to ditching

7 simple steps to get inspired when you feel like quitting


How inspired are you by yourself?

Yesterday I wrote about the definition, recognition, appreciation and acknowledgment of inspiring women. I see them as women who can fill women and men with the desire or urge to do something worthwhile. I see them as women who celebrate life. I see them as ordinary women with extraordinary story. I see them as women who light your flame of curiosity, desire and commitment to live your own life with passion, joy and fulfilment. Their attitude is infectious; their story sets a great example that something is possible. If they can do it, you can too. The question is …

How do you see yourself?

Imagine that that woman, that inspiring person is you. You have a scale from one to ten available. If you were to score how inspired are you by yourself and your life, what would your score be?

Are you generous and give yourself a high score? Let’s say, nine. Or are you thinking: “Hmmm, there is still room for improvement. I only score six!” Or are you too self-critical and scoring yourself very low? One or zero, perhaps?

Well done, if you scored yourself with ten. If you scored yourself with more than five, I also want to acknowledge you for your own self-acknowledgment. If less than five is your number, I hope you continue in reading this post.

Stephen Covey Motto

It is far easier to notice and recognise the inspiring people around us, than realise that you too are inspiring. I deliberately wrote the words “You too are” instead of “You can be”. It takes courage and self-awareness to recognise that such person also lives within you. The question is which glasses are you wearing? How do you see your world?

When I was a child, I felt as if I lived in heaven. I loved exploring the world, learning all the new things about people and how the world functioned. I was most fascinated by people, drawing and languages. If you asked me how I would score myself at the time, I would most certainly say ten out of ten. Wonderful!

The older I got, the lower the score became. It came to the point when there was just a career and life circumstances. Life just happened. And my inspiration had gone away. My dreams and aspirations had gone away with it. The frustration, fear and doubt took over. I was not inspired to do anything but climb the career ladder. And as it happens, that was exactly what I ended up doing. And I thought I don’t have any other option. Then there was the travel. The travel helped me to escape the reality. My reality as I saw it. I visited half of the Europe. The more frustrated I got, the longer my “places-to-see-before-I-die” list grew. There is nothing wrong with travelling and exploring the world. But for me, it was easier to look for happiness elsewhere than at home. What I did not realise was that I stopped recognising and appreciating people around me. No matter how great or inspiring people were, they would go unnoticed. Well, how could I possibly see them when I was not inspired by myself and my own life in first place?

You see, you may think it is easy to recognise the inspiring people around us. It is, if you are willing to. If your eyes are wide open. If we can’t see the greatness and inspiration within us, how can we see it in others? If we aren’t inspired, how can we possibly recognise when others are? Their excitement often gets on your nerves, right?

Once you know that you decide to live your life with joy, excitement, energy and make your dreams come true, you discover who to look for and where to look. Every little step that you take and that takes you closer to reaching your deams, deserves a recognition. Every little step helps you to raise your score of inspiration.

Do you wIWS FB 02ant to feel confident again?

Do you want to learn a new skill?

Do you want to smile more?

Do you want to spread more love?

Do you want to teach what you learnt?

Do you want to take care of your family?

Do you have a great cause you care about? … don’t stop here. The possibilities are endless. The choice is only yours. Isn’t it the time you discovered the inspiring you? Isn’t it time to light your fire?

What’s waiting for you tomorrow? 3 reasons why inspired women attract successful people. Sign up to follow if you want to know more.

What is your definition of an inspiring woman?

My post today is for women and men. Often if you are a woman who cares for wellbeing of women and publicly promote female empowerment, you are automatically labelled as feminist and perhaps “anti-men”. One great thing I learnt is to stop worrying about labels. They exist but I no longer worry about them defining my life. What is so great about this post today is that it allows me to share my message and inspire also our male audience.

Since we set up this community group, I got to know many caring and inspiring men too. For me both women and men are equally important and I very much value both genders. Both contribute to my life significantly. Men play an important part in the life of every woman. Creating understanding, acceptance and mutual collaboration between women and men highly appeals to me. And most certainly, men just as well as women, can be inspired by women to live their life with passion, joy and fulfilment.

How do I define an inspiring woman?

Live your passionToday I would like to share why we chose the words “Inspiring women”. I would also love to challenge your thoughts, definitions and encourage your appreciation. Often when I meet new people and they discover about our group, they start firing the questions:

“How do you define an inspiring woman? Isn’t it discriminating to call some women inspiring? Not every woman is!”

When we were deciding on the most appropriate name for the group, we all agreed that the word inspiring was the one for us. We not only loved it, we also agreed that it reflected the message we wanted to share. When I googled it, a very simple definition popped up: having the effect of inspiring someone.’ That was it. I liked it but me being me, I wanted to dig deeper and look further. Then I discovered that the word inspire originates from a latin word inspirare that translates as ‘breathe or blow into’ from in- ‘into’ + spirare ‘breathe’. The word was originally used of a divine or supernatural being, in the sense ‘impart a truth or idea to someone’. I found this meaning truly mesmerizing. Don’t you?

So that is what our clever google said, but what does it mean for me? How do I define an inspiring woman? For me, an inspiring woman is simply a woman who can fill someone with the desire or urge to do something worthwhile. Something that creates a better world. It’s a woman who appreciates life with everything it has got to offer. Perhaps a woman, who lives her life free from definitions, constraints and attachment to generally accepted ideals and stereotypes of beauty and success.

How do I choose whether a woman is or is not inspiring?

The answer is, I do not choose. I genuinely believe that every woman (as well as man) has got the capacity to be inspiring. When I started searching for inspiring women (and people in general), I ended up thinking about the ordinary women who have done extraordinary things. I was not looking for women who make national headlines, earn loads of cash or look perfectly beautiful.

I was hungry to find, appreciate and celebrate women, who have the ability and willingness to be selfless, caring, innovative and perhaps daring to be different. Women who have a vision, an appealing aspiration and aren’t afraid to go for it. Women who experienced hardship, accepted a challenge and fought for something bigger. For me, the most appealing thing about inspiring women is their “ordinariness” and the presence of reality. Most often, these women go unnoticed.

As time goes by, we get lost in our daily routines and chores. Inspiring women of Southend are here to celebrate the greatness of inspiring women in our community. And hopefully, through this small gesture we can inspire more people over the world to take a moment to recognise and acknowledge the greatness of women in their lives and community.

These women deserve to be known, not because they crave the fame and recognition. Simply, because their attitude is infectious, their story sets a great example that something is possible. If they can do it, you can too.

So what is your definition of an inspiring woman? How many women that inspire you to live your life with passion, joy and fulfilment do you know? Have you shared with them why they matter to you and why you find them inspiring?

Calling1Don’t wait any longer. Inspiring women, inspiring people deserve to know you appreciate them. Most often, they don’t realise they have such great impact on your life. Do send them a short email or txt right now. Even better, do give them a quick phone call. A few words of appreciation and encouragement cause miracles. A few words of appreciation and encouragement will keep their flame of inspiration alive. After all, they grow inspiration around us and for us. Let’s keep the flame of inspiration lit together.

PS: We decided to look for women in our town, community and let the world know about their inspiring lives >>>


So how did it all begin?

Hi and thank you for reading this post. My name is Adriana and I am the founder of commWinter-Bluesunity group Inspiring Women of Southend. I am frightened of blogging. Today I decided I had enough of being scared. Today I decided to come out of my comfort zone, fight that little voice in my head saying “You can’t do it!” and just get on with it. So hopefully the 30day blogging challenge from Sarah Arrow will help 🙂

It’s not easy. It’s frightening. I find expressing myself in one-to-one conversations in person a lot easier, natural in fact. There are many things stopping me. But I realize that by feeding my fear I am not serving those women in our community who may benefit from discovering about our community group.

Two years ago I set up a local community group called Southend Passionate Women. My vision was to support women in our area to connect with their passions and dreams to live their life with joy and fulfilment. Our vision expanded and we then renamed the group to Inspiring Women of Southend. I’ll soon share the reason for our existence.

So how did it all start?

There was a point in my life when despite having achieved what I dreamt about; I felt that something was not right. Something simply was not working and I did not know what it was. I could not name it. At the same time I would stop myself from sharing about this situation with my friends and relatives.

I was worried that my family and friends were going to judge me that I was unsettled, ungrateful and that I constantly look for something rather than just appreciate what I have. I was worried that people around me wanted to hear answers that I did not have. I knew that they care about my happiness but I could not answer their questions. All I had were dreams and ambitions and they existed only in my mind. They were like the seeds and waited to be planted, nurtured and discovered.

I have connected and got to know many amazing and inspiring women in London and Europe, but I was missing having those connections locally in Southend. East Essex, Southend and Basildon in particular, don’t have a great reputation to be honest. So I said to myself, enough of that. Let’s create an amazing network of inspiring women in Southend. A network where women from all walks of life, different ages and nationalities, can all discover what makes them happy, what inspires them and together can make those things happen.

The seed was planted one evening in a local pub. I met a friend of mine and during this meeting, I shared the vision with him. The following day he introduced me to five amazing women. It all started from there. We organised our first meeting, together looked at what we were missing in our community and started creating what we wanted to do. What came out of that was the need for a free support structure and network with friendly environment.

The project was born, the seed was planted. While it seems like “my baby”, I knew I did not want to do this on my own right from the very beginning. So I shared the vision with more women who then became our ambassadors and came on board right away. We are now a team of 15 plus women who volunteer their time, energy and passion to empowering other women in our neighbourhood.

What have I learnt?

I realised two important things. The first one was that something as simple as having a conversation with someone, whether it’s a stranger or a close friend, about my vision, being bold and courageous helped me to get one step closer to achieving my dream or ambition.

Being able to share with others what you care for, what you stand for and what makes you happy gives others and most importantly yourself, the inspiration and energy to turn your passion or dream into a real thing, whether it’s business, a community project or simply your own personal goal.

The second discovery was that no matter how frightened I might be of something, I can do it as long as it’s really important to me, I am then  inspired to find the courage to overcome my fears and ask for help. It’s easier for me to overcome barriers when I am working within a motivated positive group.

17And these are guiding principles of Inspiring Women of Southend. We create a safe, positive and playful space for sharing ideas, exploring what makes you happy, reflection and assessment of your progress. We cheer each other up when things are not going well, we continuously support each other on our journey to live our life with passion and inspiration.

We organise free monthly workshops and an annual conference connecting inspiring women with those who are in search of inspiration and those committed to making positive changes in their life. Why? Simply because we know that one happy woman can make a huge difference in our society; A happy, inspired and fulfilled woman transforms her environment.

“A fulfilled woman is not only joyful and confident; she transforms her environment, elevates sharing and creates fulfilment. She acts like a heart of her community and the world. She makes difference for herself, her children, partner, family, friends, work environment, business and the society. She finds fulfilment in creating opportunities for others, lives in harmony with both women and men and creates value through existing in the world of freedom, empathy and enlightenment.”
To your inspiration, Adriana



Meet Bernie

Ordinary people’s extraordinary stories

Women are not necessarily great at recognising themselves as inspiring, are they? That’s why we decided to bring their inspiration through their stories. All our heroines are REAL women living in our community in Southend and surrounding areas.

Meet Bernie!

Bernie Bentley

Bernie Bentley was extremely close to her Nan from a very young age and both deeply cared for each other.

She remembers visiting her in a hospital and seeing her for the last time, knowing it was unlikely she would see her alive again. And, she was right – it was her very last time!

For many reasons, her Nan was like a trusted parent whom, she had always longed for.

In her young teens Bernie belonged to a church group. On one occasion she witnessed a homeless man knocking on the priests door and the priest refused to give him food. The door shut and the man walked away.

When the priest was out of sight, Bernie grabbed some food from the pantry, ran after the homeless man and gave it to him. Being humble, he only accepted two items, he pointed to his pockets with holes in, he had nowhere to store it. >>>

Meet Helene!

Ordinary people’s extraordinary stories’

Women are not necessarily great at recognising themselves as inspiring, are they? That’s why we decided to bring their inspiration through their stories. All our heroines are REAL women living in our community in Southend and surrounding areas.

Meet Helene!

Helene Musso1She used to think that success was based on money and a very good job. Since, we live in a society that values materialistic stuff, the questions that need to be asked without any guilt attached to them, are these;

*Can success mean being a good mum/father or a fantastic cook in your home?
*Do we feel recognised enough being a home stay mother/father or do we need work to make us feel valued?

The solution lies with more awareness of ourselves, mixed with the total acceptance that we are human beings and therefore not perfect. Meanwhile, surrounding ourselves with people who understand us and who are able to love us just the way we are.

Hélène used to lie to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings. These were small lies, OK! She is not good at lying and got caught often! It used to go a bit like this; She did not want to go to a gathering, so she made up that The Car Has Broken Down! and got away with it and she never made up small lies again…

To read about Helene’s story >>>

Get inspired!

What does it take to get inspired?

We often wait for a better moment, for better circumstances, better everything …

A year later you may wish to have started earlier …









Get inspired. Do what fires you up. Inspire others.





What do you choose?

Being inspired is great, being inspiring is fulfilling!

Which one do you choose? Weekend is here again, why not filling it in with inspiration! This is the best time for you to make your choice!  Join us to sit in the front raw and become the inspiration for other women. What are you doing this weekend to inspire yourself and others?


E.D.E.N. is back!

The most uplifting inspiring event for women in Southend and local community is back!

We are excited to share that we have just booked the venue for E.D.E.N. 2016. Save the date! It’s on 12th Mar 2016. We wanted to let you know about our amazing event E.D.E.N. early in advance.

What have we got for you?

  • inspiring speakers (all women from your community who have an inspiring story and encouraging insights to share)
  • fun workshops
  • an opportunity to participate in our fashion show “Dress to Express”
  • join our I’m inspired prize draw and win a set of free live coaching sessions
  • check out Active Women Southend and talk to their team. They offer free classes in Southend area for women over 22 … this is your opportunity to get connected to your body and feel great!

As an Eco friendly group, attendees are encouraged to make their own name badges.
There will be a prize for the guest with the best and most creative badge!

Aaaww and did we mention tea, coffee and a cake?

Find the time just for yourself and come to celebrate with us! Pre-book your ticket through our Welcome page. Free cancellation and no deposit required >>>